you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
