My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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