I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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