genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
