I look better un-naked...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
