Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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