found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
