A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
