I just threw up on my dentist
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
