just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
