I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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