Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
