Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
