remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
