how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
