is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
