Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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