u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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