I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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