so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize