remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i came on her dog
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
