just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
