is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
