So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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