you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
