i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize