Even the bartender felt bad for me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
