I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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