He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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