You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
