You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
