while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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