Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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