I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
