well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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