we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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