giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
