After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
