i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
