I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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