I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
