That's intense
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
