Don't you send me to vm
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
