Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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