If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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