So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
