can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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