i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
