sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
