counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
