so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The feeling are messing with the penis
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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