I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
