just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Less talking, more tequila
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
