Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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