i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
