her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
