Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
