Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
