i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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