she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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