I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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