I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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