You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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