Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize