it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
