dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
