he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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