i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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