i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
