I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
