i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
