I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
