We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize