So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
should my penis look like a turkey
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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