I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
