Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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