Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just want nice things and good sex
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
