I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
