I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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