forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
