"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The air was thick with penises
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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