There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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