Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just googled if crying burns calories
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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